Even though there is great satisfaction and purpose in being a source; there is humanity that bleeds and hurts when your encouragement, love, and strength are not received well. Or, as a source, you place expectations on those you love to respond to that encouragement, love, and strength giving. When, it shouldn’t be about what you receive as that starting spot for the world and its people. I got caught in that expectation yesterday with Carrie.
If I am to be a source of light, authority, life, I must forgo the expectation that I would receive anything in return, the outpouring of life will beget the outpouring of life. This doesn’t mean that I don’t bleed or hurt; because I am certainly not the Messiah. If anything, I hope this fallibility would make me more substantive and attractive to the ones I am trying to be a source for. Am I acting as a martyr by engaging in this whole source business? Is this road less travelled, worth the pain and suffering that being a lay down light requires? I
This is what I was made for. To live out the mission placed on my heart; to wear my heart on my sleeve so that people can see God’s heart, my heart. Even if, I am last to know what the plan is. Even if I am last to be loved. Even if, I am not thanked or recognized for my efforts, Even if, I bleed and my insecurities come to the forefront. Even if, I am portrayed as weak or gullible. Even if, my heart gets trampled. I will believe, I will learn, I will serve, I will strengthen my self as a source of life giving encouragement, love, substance, and purpose. Will you?
The Oak Tree 
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